It’s that time of the year again when children are excitedly deciding on their costumes for Halloween. It’s a time when we willingly put on masks and costumes, transforming into superheroes, mysterious characters, or someone completely different for an evening. Kids squeal with joy when they look at their different outfits and enjoy pretending to be someone else (not to mention the anticipation of buckets full of candy!).
Once Halloween is over, masks and costumes are removed and put away, but is there another type of mask that we wear throughout the year?
Sometimes, we wear a smile when we are hurting, we make others laugh when we are privately grieving, and we even appear confident to our work friends when we’re actually struggling inside with low self-esteem and self-doubt. Why do we do this? Why do we come across as having it all together when, in reality, the opposite is true?
There are multiple reasons, but the over-arching function of a mask is to protect ourselves. Someone might wear them because of fear of judgment, rejection, being misunderstood, or being seen as weak. Sometimes, we simply don’t know how to explain what we are feeling or don’t have the energy to explain when we do!
We hide behind a smile, humor, silence or being very busy, all to avoid any chance of being hurt. It is true that it is not always an appropriate time to bear one’s feelings, and at times we are justified in protecting ourselves from people or situations that can offend or hurt us.
But it can be exhausting to have to wear our masks all the time. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be more gracious and kind to one another, and to receive the same kindness in return? How compassionate our interactions could be if we were more aware that behind every mask lives a real person with real feelings, dreams, fears, and struggles. Remember always: if you are wearing a mask, the chances are that others around you may be doing the same.
What does taking our mask off mean? How do we even begin to do it? Firstly, we don’t have to reveal everything to everyone. Find a person with whom you feel emotionally safe with, someone who has a history of being kind to you. Taking that mask off can be as simple as telling that person, “I’m having a rough day,” asking for help, allowing yourself to cry, or allowing someone to help you carry that heavy load.
Kindness and gentleness matters.
A little patience, a listening ear, or a simple “How are you really doing?” can mean more than we realize. Often, people don’t need us to fix their problems. They simply need to know that someone sees them, witnesses their struggle, and cares.
Halloween reminds us that masks can alter the image we see on the outside. Life reminds us that masks sometimes hide what can’t be seen on the inside.
It is such a relief to be less afraid of what is underneath the mask, more confident that the person who has cared all along will care even now with the mask off. Showing our true selves to the right people can be one of the bravest things we ever do.
The goal isn’t to never wear a mask. Sometimes we need one. The goal is to know when we are ready to take it off—and to create a world where others feel safe enough to take theirs off, too.
Beneath every mask is a person who would like to be understood, accepted, and reminded that they don’t have to face everything alone.
Written By:
LPC, LMFT, RPT & Mediator