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How Often Is Often Enough?

Dear Roz,

I’ve been married for five years, and everything is going great. There’s one thing that worries me: our sex life. I know it’s been asked before, but how many times a week should a married couple have sex? And is it ok if my husband and I do it less than the norm? We really don’t feel the need to do it as much as we did when we were first dating. Should I start to worry?

Thanks, RT (from Miami)

===>: I’m so glad you wrote, because I want to assure you that whatever frequency works for both of you is exactly right. Couples go through many sex drive phases in a lifetime. They begin with hot infatuation and the appeal of newness. Then they cool down a little to a comfortable rhythm of familiarity. They go through times of temporary abstinence—certain times during pregnancy and when the baby is newborn, the time just before a major exam, etc. Then desire flares back up to fire at other times.

The point is, as long as you are having the frequency that fits for both of you, all is well and lovely. I hope you also enjoy lots of holding, kissing, and caressing between go-all-the-way sex dates.

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