Relationship problems can be very distressing in a person’s life. Here are some of the common relationship problems talked about with counselors: compatibility, equality, communication, trust, loyalty, sexual problems, lack of intimacy, no connection, abuse, ending relationships, and jealousy. Understanding why these problems are occurring and getting to the bottom of it all can take time and may require work with a counselor However here are just a few quick tips to help improve your relationship:
- Honestly look at the things YOU do that you know are not helpful to the relationship. If you want something different, you need to do something different!
- Reactive, defensive thoughts, words, and behavior are ways we protect ourselves from “danger”. Watch yourself reacting and ask yourself, “What does this remind me of from my own past?” and, “What can I do differently at this point to become safer for my partner?”
- Make a conscious commitment to eliminate blame, criticism, and invalidation. If it leaks out, acknowledge it, and apologize to your partner.
- Identify and be realistic about the support you need. If you don’t know what you want then it is unlikely you will get it.
- Communicate your expectations clearly and check your that partner has understood. Check that he or she can and knows how to meet your expectations.
- Remember to forgive and be patient. Give your partner a chance.
- Spend quality time together and share experiences.
- Spending time together is not ‘quality’ when you are tired and distracted, and end up arguing or failing to enjoy each other’s company.
- Remove all distractions, such as television or radio noise, and arrange a time to talk that suits you both.
- Avoid interrupting your partner. If you are unsure or upset by what has been said, summarize back what you have heard and check for accuracy before replying.
- Avoid labeling your partner. Focus on your partner’s behavior rather than the person. Personal attacks are unlikely to improve the situation, where as identifying specific behaviors opens up opportunities for change. Also, try to speak in encouraging and positive ways, so that you are showing support rather than putting your partner down.
- Talk about the good aspects of the relationship, as well as the problems.
- Jointly plan to spend quality time together and, when doing so, focus on positive things, unless you agreed to do otherwise beforehand.
- Identifying shared interests that you can enjoy together and try to think of new ones that you can try. Also, deepen your understanding of the activities your partner enjoys most.
Dallas Counseling for Relationship Problems