Roz,
I’m afraid that I’m dating my father (not literally of course). My new boyfriend acts like my father in many ways: he expects the woman to cater to cook all the dinner, clean the house, and not argue. I know that many men are like this. Can I ask my boyfriend to change?
–VQ(Florida)
Dear VQ,
It’s perfectly natural that you’d be attracted to a man like your father. Girls often are. The question is, are you going to let the child inside you choose a mate, or the adult You? (I think you’d really benefit from my book Put Your Big Girl Panties On and Deal With It.)
Sounds like you need first to get custody of yourself, take good care of yourself, meet your own needs, and be faithful to your own values. Then you can choose from fullness, not neediness, not a desire to kiss the hem of someone’s garment in order to be approved of.
Can you ask your boyfriend to change? Of course you can. Anyone can ask anyone anything. Is he likely to? Depends on his character and how firm you are in your insistence that you be treated as an equal.
There are loads of self-absorbed men who’ve waked up and smelled the roses. There are others who are determined to find themselves a Mommy. Which do you want?
I think a few months of counseling would do you a world of good in helping you CHOOSE how you want to live. YOU are the only person entitled to decide what you desire and deserve.